A crazy man’s rant

MimirsWell

Inspired writing – getting into that magic mood where everything falls perfectly together… It is working! I’m writing myself into a more pleasant and appealing life! I’m living up to the things I wrote about 2 days ago: I’m starting my days by igniting the fire – push ups, curls, sit ups, squats in 3 sets each… I’m getting up arround 8, well yesterday I went to bed late because i had an interesting inspired chat lol – so I got in bed arround 3am and got up at 9 – and since it was a Friday night, that doesn’t matter!

Let’s see if I can gobble up some poetry on demand – nope i can’t – I did enough today, I’m tired… Only 6 hours of sleep, walking my dog in a rainy forest, making music, reading books and making notes, talking to people online and having worked out in the morning…

Enough is enough… Learning to know when to quit, how to not over do things… I don’t have that natural limitation yet… Well I have it, but I’m unaware of it – or aware too late… I’ve been very inspired the last few days… Now it’s time to chill! We’ll see if the person that said we would go out tonight will follow thru – I don’t think so haha… But as said: I’m tired, I get grumpy and cynical when tired haha…

This morning I had great insights about that compassion thing… Doing stuff for other people so they feel good and all that… Well I have that lil odd tendency to just walk off when things get a bit more challenging… Kind of like: Okay, I didn’t like that, you’ll never see me again, have a nice life…

changes-in-life

It’s not a pretty quality, it’s kind of harsh and unfriendly – very practical, but I’m not proud of it. Well yesterday something came in the rebound… Someone I kicked out, but the person didnt realise that yet – because indeed – I intent no pun, no drama etc, so I just abruptly stop stuff that doesnt seem to be working and go on with my life…

But in the entire theme of thinking about compassion and empathy and all that juicy stuff that people love to claim which I lack – what I doubt – but still, they have a point, I’m a bit weird on that end lol… Well in order to keep me from stop doing the abrupt quitting of things, I might try to understand how it is for the other person when I just choose to bail out..

I doubt that it’s gonna work, but atleast I can try… What I did yesterday was good as well: Simply don’t respond… Don’t reply messages, don’t pick up the phone – that’s how I realised they are completely unaware of what has happened in my head and emotions in the meanwhile lol…

It’s MY craziness… hey have no clue about what steps I’ve gone through, and how I torchered myself with negative feelings of β€œsee I fucked up again, well done asshole”… LoL I shouldnt do that, I shouldnt beat myself up… Sure it’s not fun for the other person – but it’s even more fucked up for myself…

Narcissist

If I dont stop poisoning my thought processes, then I cannot break free from that negative reality that I have created arround being with other people… It’s not a nice way of processing people if on the first glance consists of: Okay, howlong will it take until I chase this one off haha…

People are much more friendly and aproachable and understanding then I am… LoL – thank the gods for that.. If I was in charge there wouldnt be 7 billion people hahaha… But anyways, I want to become a nicer person – friendlier – not on the outside, because I AM friendly when people talk to me – but on the inside…

I want to get used to liking people again, to not just find them exhausting or just empty buckets that want to be entertained, and as soon the entertainment is fulfilled they hop on to the next one to fill their lil bucket of empty space / free time… So basically I don’t think very highly of people, I don’t trust them – I don’t believe their motives, it just seems so useless to invest and put effort in… Do you REALLY care? No? Then why the fuck should I be bothered lol..

disappointed humanity

Sure it’s fun to have the illusion of connection and being liked. It is nice to show appreciation, and to praise skill and give compliments and to agree… And even to disagree to a certain degree is fun… People can be fun, and indeed entertaining… But is it so weird to expect a lilbit more from it – then just being entertained… That’s why I have the feeling I don’t really need people – I rather have quality then quantity – and if quality ain’t there, well I don’t do second best.

Well expectations are a set up for failure they say… So I should simply expect nothing? Just pretend as if I don’t have a preference, as if I don’t have a taste, as if I don’t have a will… Just let everything be…

I was in the forest today – and indeed, I’m very tolerant of nature – the trees, the birds, the plants – they ll surround me, but I’m not bothered, ctually I like being surrounded by those… If I could see people like trees and plants and animals and stones and all the other stuff that is natural… I would appreciate their presence.. But people have the opposite effect – lol unless I’ve chosen to connect to them, they annoy me.

Why do they annoy me? Most likely because they interfere – I’m doing my jolly little thing in the world and BOOM! There comes a human bulging in, killing my vibe hahaha.., Fuck off, walk on, keep moving – away with you! LMAO… No that’s a little too harsh, even for me…

But indeed, earlier this evening, I read an article about men being afraid of intelligent women.. Well I don’t have that fear, but I responded to the article, because I tend to avoid the very common people…

The common people to me are all those millions of people that perfectly fit in to this great system we call society… They just do what must be done, take care of business, live accordingly to the expectations that society puts upon them, and even thrive doing so…

The common people are the people which say: hey you, don’t be so complicated… Or: hmm Your hobbies are weird… Or: Hey don’t be so difficult – have some fun, light up…

be real or leave

Basically the common people are the people that seem to be programmed to drag you along in their lil idea of what reality is. They are the people that want to bring iphones in the jungle, so the people overthere can enlight themselves with facebook as well… The kind of people that go out and invade countries to forcefeed them democracy..

They are the most rude, unsensitive egocentrical group of people in the world… Yet they like to call me unempathic and narcistic… It’s sad to see how this great system is killing all diversity, so they can all be the same… The same repeating zombies trying to bite people to become exact copies of them….

So yes, I have the tendency to go for what fits me best… Well let’s face it, I’m a minority… I’m not the average person, so my best strategy to have a nice life – most likely would be an unaverage one! I believe in people as individuals… Im an individual – and basically everyone is…

Today I was reading a book – about how according to germanic mythology mankind was evolved, but then from an antroposophical perspective… Well it comes down to that the first idea of self – was the group self… So before we had individual souls with individual identities.. There were group souls, or soul groups lol – with a group identity, and from there on it kept evolving further until we became individuals… So first there’s a cosmic soul – unaware, then there comes the group soul, group awareness, and then solo…

soul groups

Well of course there were different groups… Different groups had different leaders, they developed different qualities, because each leader teaches a certain aspect of being human… and ofcourse those groups start crossbreeding etc – so all these talents etc get mixed and everyone has a little of everything…

Well… The group that is trending right now in this little piece of earth I live on – is most likely not the group I belong to… And thats a very short explanation lol… But let’s simply say: My purpose in life, is mine – nobody has to tell me what I am supposed to do… I don’t seek to fit in, I don’t seek to jump out.. I am myself – and whatever all those millions of people THINK is important in life, is up to them…

Manifest_soul_purpose

So ofcourse… That kind of rubs against eachother. It doesn’t mean I lack empathy. It simply means there are less people like me then there are people like you… But those few people that are like me, and I can resonate well with – there isn’t any problem whatsoever…

So yes, we are rare, and yes, maybe so rare we are nearly extinct… But until we are.. We have the right to live… And if that’s different and weird, so be it. We don’t give a damn lol, just let us be ourselves and give us the needed space to develop, and a chance to live a proper life in the way we see fit.

So if you ever think I’m overreacting: you are absolutely right – I do overreact in the perception that fits this system… In a different system, I react normal. I’m human, it’s normal to react… I just react naturally, and uncultivated – I react spontaniously, unadapted.. I react exactly as it comes – I have no cultural filter – in fact I dont have a filter at all….. I dont even want to filter… It’s ok as it is…

fake is the new trend

Just let things be as they are… If more people would simply be what they are, instead of trying to be what is expected – then most likely I would have much less conflict… Because 9 out of 10 there is a very big difference of who people truly are, and how they are manifesting themselves in their lives… That gives conflict – because I get confused… The energy and the behaviour don’t match anymore…

That is also what has happened to language… Language used to be a living thing… it used to be connected to an emotion… Like the word Far.. Far away, fahren, faring – and also so far that it becomes fear…. People that do not connect to that ancient source anymore won’t even get the idea that language lives and comes from imaginations / images in the mind…

etymology origins of words

Some won’t see or feel the difference between the word β€œfar” and β€œemail” – email has no emotion.. Email is a rational word… it comes from an individual… it doesnt come from a group soul, or a cosmic soul – it doesnt stem from a dreamtime….

That’s the difference…. the people that still have connections to the dreamtime – the people that still have their antennas raised up towards the cosmos… like the antlers of the deer….. or the people that have their antennas cut off…

sif's golden hair

It’s the difference between the people of the golden cosmic age, or the people of the iron mental age… But yes… so much knowledge, so many insights, such many visions…. LoL – but for the common soul I’m vague, not to follow and maybe even crazy…..

But I don’t right for those that chase personal fame and glory… I write for those that hear the distant echoes, and every now and then one of my words, one of my many images resonates somewhere inside them – and they become curious… I throw breadcrumbs… So the birds get hungry and start looking for food for themselves… It has no use to tell the entire stories if there is no one with the ears to hear them or the eyes to see them…

I am perfectly okay with the idea that people think it’s just another crazy man’s rant… Because I don’t do it for you, I do it for me hahaha… I’m slowly working my way through… lol

Bragi_by_Wahlbom

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sjpielsewolf

Interested in germanic heathenry, lore, original fairy- and folktales, shamanism and lots of other related worldly stuff. I walk and cycle alot in nature, read, play various instruments etc.

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