Gewoon, omdat schrijven me van nature meer trekt dan sporten!
Er was eens iets, ooit, en ergens. Dat ergens dat is er nog steeds, wat was is geweest en dingen zullen er altijd zijn. Kun je inspiratie en creativiteit oproepen ik denk het wel! Het absurdistische associërende brein vindt wel een weg!
Schrijven – het heeft toch iets magisch: Als het ware kijk je nu in mijn hoofd mee, maar dan op een later tijdstip. In feite is het een soort bandopname van mijn gedachten die dan op elk gewenst moment afgespeeld kan worden. Gebruik je wel de goeie stem en intonatie? Weet je het ritme en de melodie, de deining van de woordenstroom wel te vangen?
Hoe zal ik klinken in het hoofd van een vrouw? Wat zal überhaupt mijn doelgroep zijn? Waarschijnlijk nieuwsgierige mensen – die eigenlijk ook niets beters te doen hebben dan maar gewoon zo eens in iemand zijn hoofd te kijken, omdat het kan.
Zullen er nog mensen zijn die echt “browsen” – volgens mij zijn er ook nog amper mensen die echt bloggen… Achja… Het internet is tegenwoordig voor facebook: Allerlei geweldige dingen zijn mogelijk, maar het simpele rondneuzen en grappige dingen kijken vinden we toch echt het leukst om te doen!
Ik zit er zelfs aan te denken om te gaan Vloggen haha – video loggen – Dat is dan wéér een stap verder… Ik zou ook in het Engels of Duits verder kunnen gaan of in het rippuarisch dialect. Engels wordt het wel voor de rest van de wereld ook leesbaar – ben ik wel weer lekker internationaal – yeah baby!
Well ok, let’s proceed in English then. I am wondering if I can adjust and experiment with my writing style – eventho i suspect that I’m too unflexible for that… I could start writing fairytales and short stories, poems, or dialogues and all sorts of different topics, just to explore the possibilities… But I won’t!
I like the confontational aproach: I’m stuck, and I know it hahaha, I’m just gonna rub it in until I break free from it. It’s how things work for me – Just mention it, realise it, letting it sink in and then seeing the stupidity of it, and finally replacing it with a more fulfilling activity.
Will this writing hour idea please me for long? I guess not.. It seems useless as well 😀 : Just another waste of space!
So how could it be less wastefull? Well I think that it is quite usefull (I’m sorry I have no idea if I have to use a single or double l in words that end on full) – But as I was saying: it might have use for people interested in psychology haha, but only in a weird hobby kind of fashion.
Serious people would not read the blogs of their optional patients in their spare time! What if I’m not crazy? I most likely am not, still that strange idea has entered my system… Somehow it feels liberating.. And ofcourse I love to explore those silly corners of the human psyche!
If I would start Vlogging – what would it be about? With writing it’s easy, it’s just a random rant about random things – well I do have my moments that I’m actually quite informative, but this simply isn’t one of them!
Today I brought my HD camera along when I took my dog on a bicycle trip venturing into nature. I hoped to spot hawks, deers, salamanders, or other fun stuff that would resemble the start of the cycle of life… But none of it all! I cycled all the way to a specific field with a very specific pond, where i’m pretty sure there would live rough skinned newts – thats the locally most common known type of salamander in this region, and most likely all across europe.
But I didn’t bring a net – because I didnt feel like dragging it along. Catching and even holding amphbians is prohibited by law in the Netherlands.. All amphibians are protected haha, so if you go frog catching, or in this case newts – technically speaking you’re breaking the law then.
In my mind I can see how I would get stopped and asked what I am doing by a ranger. A bucket, a net, rainboots, and a frogpond in the middle of nowhere. I can’t say well I just happened to have a net and a bucket with me, and came across a pond… Can I?
What I CAN do is act as if I’m unaware and get away with a warning. Why would I wanna catch newts? Because I want them in my backyard pond! Some people say:”They will just walk back” – No they won’t if you catch them in their breeding season completely filled with eggs and hormones and ready to hump anything and drop those eggs off!
And ofcourse newts have tadpoles as well – they don’t walk away! Neither do the eggs.. But I was a bit too much inspired by yesterday’s good weather and today’s morning sun… I got strongly desillusioned when i arrived at the pond without my net and bucket and just stared into a pond in wintertime: Just lots of leaves at the bottom – lots of grey and brown colours, no movement at all…
Still I kind of know: If I would’ve brought the net, and simply scooped the bottom – chances were quite big that i would’ve caught something! It doesnt have to be a newt or newt larvae, it might as well have been big tadpoles of the green frog, hibernating in the mud because they didnt completely transform last year…
I like amphibians – the most sensitive and vulnerable of all, but yet awakening amongst the first of the beings in nature… The first warm rays of the sun, the first warm rains, in combination with the pull of the moon and the lengthening of the days… Their sensitivity is a very precise clock – that is why I like them! If you want to attune to the natural rhythm, you have to be there when they wake up and find their breeding waters… You have to hear the hawks calling, and the herons gathering on their nests. You have to greet the morning sun in the field and let it shine into your face… You have to be their when the first bugs start crawling, when the small birds start getting louder and more territorial..
All these tiny little observations, those subtle hints which are so easy and simple to expose yourself to… They all add up to walking in tune with the big wheel. Today I ate from little wild plants in the grass for the first time this year – because they are growing again… This as well, taking in those plant minerals, which are at their most potent when they still are young and very fresh, and have been exposed to the full moon the entire night – so even more of all the minerals are up in the tip of the leaves… It’s essential to being part of your environment..
The walks in nature that I take are much more then simply putting one leg in front of the other… It is being aware that everything we experience and expose ourselves to, has an effect and can be healing in a much deeper way then many realise… Even I don’t realise it at the spot when it happens, I just do my intuïtive thing… And now, five or six hours after I’m realising the effects of the things i’ve been doing during the day…
I also cleaned my house – the dishes were a bit piled up, and the table was a bit too full for my likings. The floor had a bit of sand, and grass and just lil plastic stuff from a chewing toy my dog had demolished.
Keeping my house clean, keeping stuff in order – literally helps me keep or re-establish my balance. I need it. My being needs maintenance – If I dont, I get clogged up, can’t get rid of the daily impressions, get distracted and entangled in all sorts of daily crap that my system just can’t compute.
This is why I sometimes have my chaotic periods when I’m all over the place… Luckily my system has this emergency break where I all of the sudden become aware how far I’ve been drifting away from my natural self and being swallowed up by contemporary life… Which again is way too much for this simple little sensitive heathen…
I read an article today about how HSP got acknowledged as being real. It had a very nice part on exactly those things I struggle with: The point where psychologist like to say that I have autism, and that I lack a filter etc. – Basically the article’s description fits me like a glove…
I also unliked all the negative newsfeeds in my facebook… It sounds very dull and obvious – but I am the type that responds honestly and directly to whatever is presented to me and resonates one way or another. So all these news articles about the refugees, and the trouble they cause, how the government deals with it etc – the entire circle arround it – had a negative effect on me. It made more grumpy, unfriendly, unconciderate etc. – I don’t need that crap anymore!
Basically I’m slimming down my life again. I notice that appearantly I did too much again, or had too much stress from the daily life haha… Resulting in me going into chaotic state, and becoming an emotional fruitcake…
And to be honest: I don’t give a shit anymore if people find it strange that I need my solitude, need my retreat, need my daily dose of nature and cut myself off from too much social interaction and avoid all sorts of unneeded drama…
Every now and then I seem to forget who I am, let my discipline role – and every time I come back from it… Every time I end up back on the road that I’m walking. I can stray away from it a lilbit, and get lost – cause I’m easily distracted and naturally curious towards all that is… But then I simply get pulled back haha – I can’t be anything else anymore… There is no escape, there is no getting lost, the system is all arround me – and I’m part of it…